by guest blogger Madelyn Jansma, M.Ed.
parenting educator at Healthy Happy Families
I hear a collective groan from parents every August! Are you looking to raise savvy shoppers who are responsible and budget-conscious in this age of entitlement? It can be done while building a positive relationship with your tweens and teens if you use a Love and Logic® approach.
Set a standard for clothes care before you hand out any cash. Have your child earn the freedom to make her own clothing choices while subtlety setting limits on what’s been driving you nuts: “Spring shopping money will be available once I see that you have a track record of proper clothes care: wash dirty clothes at least once a week, and put them enough away so that the dog won’t lay on them.” Many kids can do their own laundry beginning in third grade.
Shop with a plan already in place. Have your child assess what he already has. Have her make a list of what she wants/needs. Discuss what’s reasonable, and be willing to give in on a few points: “If fuzzy slipper shoes are important to you, I’ll be happy to let you have a pair as long as you’re not wearing them to walk great distances. Let’s just make sure you pick out tennis shoes with good arch support for those times.” What does your child like to wear? Should it be a week’s worth of clothes, or two? Should there be a nice outfit for a special occasion? Write out the plan in a notebook (next paragraph). In a sense, you’re teaching how to build a wardrobe, even if it is almost exclusively athletic shorts and high tops. In the long run, kids seem to buy fewer clothes and enjoy them more.
Teach budgeting and accounting. Set a budget together. Have kids keep a record and sneak in some math skills. Show how to file receipts—perhaps recycle an old notebook with some pocket dividers. Whatever it is, if your kid creates the system, your kid with be more likely to enjoy the system. My daughter “wowed” a clerk by bringing in a receipt and asking for a price adjustment (she was 11 at the time).
Start with a short time frame and limited options, instead of just giving a kid all the money for the year—maybe fall shopping for school clothes, and April shopping for summery clothes. “Let’s start with you picking out the four play outfits you’d like to wear this summer. I’ll oversee the church clothes and swimsuits and shoes this time around, and I’d be happy to have your input.” Consider turning over their sport equipment budget a few years from now, once they’re going strong. And occasionally, judiciously, bail them out with love—you can be a hero once or twice, an enabler soon after.
Keep some cash in reserve. Having a “just in case you grow or want something that’s a trend once school starts” fund teaches delayed gratification and may avoid a future argument. Your son may need to come up with a white collared shirt for orchestra. If he hasn’t needed the reserve several months later, you could hand it out as a bonus for being a thrifty shopper!
Have them go first-class, name-brand on their own dime: “I agree you need some running shoes, and I’ll be happy to pay for the first $50. I give you weekly allowance money so you can make important choices like this. Isn’t it nice when you have options?”
Develop the idea that big ticket items or frivolous items might be good birthday or holiday ideas. This is a great way to avoid a mid-mall meltdown! Savvy Love and Logic® moms even keep a notebook in their purse so the child can jot down a note: “Hey, that’s a great idea, and unaffordable right now…but you know that Grandma always asks for suggestions. Will you make a note for me so I know exactly what you’re interested in? Thanks, sweetie!”
Consider having Dad approve the outfit and the expense list—keep it open and honest and modest. “Hmm, sweetie, I’m not really comfortable with the length of that skirt, and I know that it’s too short for school policy. Why don’t you use your babysitting money for that one, so you can still enjoy wearing after school? I just don’t feel like I’m getting my money’s worth when there’s so little fabric involved.”
Gently allow kids to learn from the consequences of their choices: Love and Logic® parents lead with empathy while holding firm on boundaries. “Yeah, it’s a bummer when I run out of clothes during the week, too. Some kids do laundry twice a week or wear pants twice before washing, and some kids spend less on each pair of jeans but buy more of them. Some kids even do yard work to earn extra money. You’re a smart kid; I’m sure you’ll come up with a plan. The good news is you only need to deal with it for a few more months until your spring budget becomes available.” A neighbor girl and friends all exchanged dresses with each other during the bat & bar mitzvah season, instead of purchasing new ones every time.
Set the right tone. Consultant parents ask, “What do you think?” and, “How would you like to handle it so you feel ready to do this on your own some day?” Be a cheerful shopping partner, and don’t offer advice unless prompted: “Wow, it was fun seeing what you like in the store. You’ve got a style all your own!” Set an example of restraint/budgeting/sale shopping: “That’s an awful lot for a jacket, and I have another one at home. I’ll put it on my think-about-it list, and if I decide it’s something I need and can afford, I’ll come back during the sale.” Reflect seriously on how you want shopping perceived—I’m wary of raising recreational shoppers, so I tend to say things like, “Sure, we can browse for a few minutes,” because I’ve taught that browsing means not buying, and “Wow, shopping is work! Good thing it’s not how I recreate. I’d rather re-create and re-charge myself on a hike or a bike ride!” You may feel differently; just examine your motives.
Is there any question that we need to teach our kids how to handle money? Just look at the current American economy! It takes time to shop with tweens and teens, so let’s train them to be thoughtful and careful shoppers. I’m off to the outlet mall on Saturday with my 14-year-old son and his friend. My son signed up to be notified of the twice yearly 30%-off sale at his favorite athletic store, and last year it was how he came in at budget with a week’s worth of clothes that were thoroughly used and enjoyed. His friend came with us as my son spent the last of his spring budget and asked, “Mrs. Jansma, could you tell my mom about clothing budgets?” If only solving our nation’s debt crisis was so easy.
(c) 2011, Madelyn Jansma. All rights reserved.
Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.
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