The Story of MamaCon

by guest bloggers Amy Lang and Kim Estes

Parent Educators at Birds+Bees+Kids and Savvy Parents Safe Kids

We’re moms, small business owners and entrepreneurs. We discovered pretty early in our parenting being a mom is all about work - mundane, challenging, unpaid, endless work. And as if that’s not enough fun, the price of failing at this particular job is high. There is another person whose whole life is dependent upon our ability to do our jobs well, or at least well enough.

Just like every other mother out there, we think our lives would be much easier if our kids had arrived with a training manual, a helpful “how to” video series or at least a little note that said something like:

Dear Amy and Kim,

Just a note to let you know, parenting is not intuitive. It’s a learned skill. The more you learn about parenting the better parent you will be.

Seriously. I’m not kidding here. Don’t be cowgirls and think you can wrangle this calf without some serious training.

Good luck!

The New Mama Fairy

PS - Please take this adage to heart and make taking care of yourselves a priority - If mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.

Amy’s son is now 10 and Kim’s girls are 13 and 9 and we are both parenting educators. Amy Lang teaches parents how to talk to their kids about the birds and the bees through her business, Birds + Bees + Kids. Kim Estes teaches parents how to keep their kids safe from sexual abuse, abduction and the big, bad world, through her business, Savvy Parents Safe Kids.

As Amy was putting her speaking schedule together for the year and applying to conferences she had a sudden revelation - What about moms? Why hadn’t she heard about a conference for moms? We work our butts off and rarely get any training, support or relevant continuing education.

Ta-da! The idea for MamaCon, Inspiration and Tools for Modern Moms, was born! We moms consider ourselves the CEO’s of our families and the time has come for a conference supporting our hard work.

The mission of MamaCon is to inspire, encourage and rejuvenate moms by providing top-notch parenting development and education, self-care tips that really work, relationship support, amazing vendors, wine tasting, great food and outstanding entertainment.

We also aspire to increase awareness of parenting education, parenting educators and coaches. Fill out our speaker application! We'd love to have you join us.

Spread the word!

May 18 and 19, 2012 at the Bellevue Hilton.

www.mamacon.net

(c) 2011, Amy Lang & Kim Estes. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

The BIG Event for Fathers and Father Figures

by guest blogger Tim Ryan
fathering consultant at Ryan Educational Resources

We'd like to invite you to join men from around the state in building a coalition to encourage and support the important role fathers and father figures play in kids' lives. This is just the beginning of something BIG and we want you to join us so tell your friends, your spouse, significant other, grandpa, uncle: any man who will commit to being a positive role model for kids everywhere. This is an event that should not be missed if you truly want to advance the cause of being an involved man and making a difference for our kids.

Saturday, October 22 will be a great day for all men in the lives of children and we want you to join us in celebrating the important role we all play in their lives. Our responsibility as fathers and father figures is to guide and help them grow into confident, caring young people.

Join us as we kick off the inaugural Fathering Coalition for Washington State (FCWS) and spend some time having fun, learning and encouraging the involvement of all positive role models for our children. We’ll have wonderful entertainment by the RhythmPlayers, great food, music, guest speakers Jeff Kemp and Roger Fernandes, workshops and resources. All of this is FREE and we know that you want to be a great man for your kids, so show up and join the team.

Sponsored by the Foundation for Early Learning, The BIG Event will be held at the Black River Conference Center in Renton from 10am to 2pm on Saturday, October 22. Register by emailing dadtime@gmail.com or calling 206-280-3458.

(c) 2011, Tim Ryan. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

How To Negotiate With Your Kids

by guest blogger Dr. Shirin Sherkat
Parent Educator at Create Happy Kids

There are many teachable moments in your kids’ lives when you can prevent them from making poor choices. At the very least, it is possible to successfully talk with your children and negotiate alternatives with them. To accomplish this and decrease power struggles, you need tools – most importantly, the power of negotiation! As a parent, YOU are in charge. Here are 5 secrets to remaining in control:

ONE: Manage your emotions well before you enter into any discussion. Going into any confrontation feeling angry decreases your ability to stay in control of the situation. The first step is to gain control. Give yourself 10 seconds to take a few deep breaths, pay attention to your posture, and relax your face. Starting and maintaining a discussion in a calm manner keeps you in control and in charge.

TWO: Listen and hear your child first. Validate their feelings. Remember, you don’t have to agree in order to validate. Create time for this important step. It only takes a couple of minutes for a kid to tell you what s/he needs to say. Invest this time to hear your kid and just listen. Make sure you make a short and clear statement indicating you heard them & validate their feelings.

THREE: When communicating, be respectful and speak clearly and calmly so you will be heard. When you feel respected by someone who wants to talk to you, do you feel like interacting with that person? Kids are in tune with your emotions. They pick up on subtleties that hint at whether they are being patronized or respected. So if you want to be successful at negotiating with them, remain in control. In order to remain in control, you want to keep them engaged. For them to remain engaged, they must feel respected.

FOUR: Define the problem clearly and offer solutions. Be prepared to offer choices and alternatives you can deliver. To achieve this step successfully, you need two things: First, make sure you and your kids are clear about what the problem is, and second, know what motivates your kids. What is THE thing that they are willing to work for? Knowing this, you can negotiate. 
You may be surprised to see that by the time you and your kid spell out exactly what the problem is, your kid has already come up with a reasonable solution. If that doesn’t happen, then focus on: what motivates your kids. What are they willing to work for, or “earn?” That is what gives you extra negotiation power.

FIVE: Foster good choices by your kids and be willing to meet them half way when you see that they are:
 a) Participating in the negotiation appropriately
 b) Willing to compromise
 c) Willing to work for the incentive (alternatives) you offered.

The art and process of negotiating has to be taught – usually over and over! This teachable moment is very valuable in your child’s life and it’s important to guide your kid through the process. Take a few seconds to give positive feedback.

IMPORTANT HINTS, to assist you in talking with your kids:

* Time for a break? You know what’s best for your kids, and you want them to make good choices. So, for whatever reason, IF your kids don’t want to participate in this process appropriately, or if they’re unwilling to make any compromises, offer a short break (a time away from the process). Tell your kids you are willing to continue the discussion after the break. Then make sure to follow through.

* Always define what is non-negotiable. For example, if something is impossible to attain or if something will violate the law or impact their safety, then it is non-negotiable. Be firm and clear about this.

*Be prepared to walk away in any negotiation. 
Sometimes it may feel impossible to help your kids reach an agreement (although they may be very able, they are not willing). In any successful negotiation, it is important to be able to walk away. You could calmly say, “We can negotiate and meet some of your needs, or IF you choose not to participate appropriately, we can end this discussion right now. I’ll walk away and you’ll get nothing.” Simplify the language for younger kids. You should offer this only after you have made several attempts to help/guide your kid through appropriate negotiations. 

(c) 2011, Dr. Shirin Sherkat. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

Motivation In Children

by guest blogger Dr. Shirin Sherkat

Parent Educator at Create Happy Kids

Are you bribing your kids?

If you wish to reduce power struggles with your kids and create motivated kids who do what they are supposed to, then this article is for you! Bribes don’t work because as any mob boss would tell you, it actually puts the kid (taking the bribe) in the position of power. Whereas providing the appropriate incentive (as a parent) puts you in the position of authority with the chance to empower your kids to make better choices.

* Step 1) As a parent you need to figure out what are the few things that your kid would love to earn and work for. Those things are called: Privileges. Then, make sure your kid doesn’t have free access to those privileges, because he/she needs to EARN them first.

Then, when the time comes when they want such privileges (like: playing video games or watching a movie), you remind them that those privileges can be earned.

* Step 2) As a parent you need to communicate how your kid can earn a privilege. The language should be positive and easy to understand. This puts you in authority and empowers your child to make a good choice. HOW?! Well, here is a magical sentence that works every time!

The Magical Sentence: To provide the right incentive for your kid!

Now that you have established what privileges your kids is working for, the next step is communicating the rules to your kid without getting into any power struggles. I’m going to share a very powerful tool with you. It is basically a simple sentence. This powerful sentence is based on an old, well-known and very effective behavioral principle. And it looks like this:

First, _______________ Then, _______________.

For example: “First, do your homework. Then, you can play video games for half hour.”

Why is this a Powerful Motivator?

The 5 key factors that make this magical sentence so effective:

1. It’s concise–short and sweet.

2. It clearly states what is expected from your kid.

3. It is worded in a positive way. Note: it doesn’t say, “if you don’t do your homework, you wont get to play” That is not as effective or as reinforcing.

4. It is specific. Not much wiggle room and as a result, not much to argue about.

5. Most importantly, the motivator or the incentive is rewarding to your child (like, playing with video games).

Ultimately, children need to learn that they have choices. The choices they make can either result in earned privileges or negative consequences. For example, if they choose to complete their chores, then they earn a privilege. On the other hand, if they choose to argue with you or hit their sibling, then they have to face the negative consequence of not earning a privilege (or even, losing a privilege). Over time, kids learn to internalize reward and learn to self motivate.

Remember, as your kids grow, what motivates them today might not motivate them tomorrow.

(c) 2011, Dr. Shirin Sherkat. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.