Thoughts On Washington Parenting

Thoughts


Blog posts written by our friends and members on issues of interest to parents everywhere. Find out more about us at http://www.washingtonparenting.org/

1/31/2012

Is Your Child A Leader Or A Bully?

by guest blogger Dr. Shirin Sherkat
parenting educator at Create Happy Kids

Do you want to create a leader in your kid, not a bully?

Then make sure that your kids are skilled in:
Coping with change
Asserting themselves
Having empathy

Can your child cope with change?

Coping with change means your kids are learning how to manage stress due to transition, change or crises. Where do they learn such coping skills? From watching you of course.

Allow them to vent.
Give them the words to express their frustration and anger.
Teach them that it is OK to feel angry.Model stress management techniques such as, deep breathing.

Is your child assertive?
It is essential for a child to learn to assert themselves so they can communicate well enough to get their needs met & learn to stand up for their rights.

When you learn to take your kid’s point of view and respect it, you teach your child how to take another’s point of view into consideration.

They learn to respect others’ rights and perspective.

When you give positive feedback and praise for good choices, you teach your child to appreciate other’s behavior as well.

When you empower your kids to make better choices, you create a responsible individual.

Empathy can be taught

Every day you model and set an example for your kids for how to express empathy towards others in need, or respect others’ feelings.Daily routines are full of wonderful, teachable moments to help foster empathy in your kids.

Listen: Allow kids to talk about their feelings, and validate those feelings.Be patient. Be present. And just listen first. Offer validation later.

Label: From a very young ages kids can learn the correct label for body language and facial expressions.For example, you could say, “look sweetie, that little girl feels sad, look at her face.” Or “I can see that you feel scared.”

Model: Through practice, show your kids how different behaviors influence the way others feel.For example, during an outing to the grocery store, you may come across an opportunity to explain, “I saw how that lady felt very frustrated in the store, so I offered to help.

(c) 2012 by Dr. Shirin Sherkat

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

1/25/2012

What is Kinship Care?

by guest blogger Kristie Lund

Coordinator/Group Facilitator at Relatives As Parents Project



Kinship care is the full time care, nurturing and protection of children by relatives, members of their tribes or clans, godparents, stepparents, or any adult who has a kinship bond with a child. This definition is designed to be inclusive and respectful of cultural values and ties of affection. It allows a child to grow to adulthood in a family environment. (Child Welfare League of America)


Who We Are:


Children

  • More than 6.7 million children across the country live in households maintained by grandparents or other relatives.
  • More than 4.8 million children live with grandparents, and about 1.9 million with other relatives like aunts or uncles.
  • About 2.5 million of these children have no parents present in the home according to Census data analysis conducted by Generations United partners.

Grandparents

  • About 2.5 million grandparents who live with their grandchildren report they are responsible for their own grandchildren.
  • About 1.8 million of these grandparents are married and about 750,000 were never married, are widowed or divorced.
  • About 950,000 of these grandparents are male. About 1.6 million of these grandparents are female.
  • About 830,000 of these grandparents are age 60 or older.
  • About 950,000 of these grandparents report that they have been responsible for the grandchildren for more than 5 years.

Kinship families are formed for different reasons – parental death, substance abuse, military deployment, incarceration, mental illness. As a result, families are in every area in the country, all income levels, all races, and all ethnicities.


According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2009 American Community Survey, an average of 1 in 10 school age children is being raised by a relative. (Generations United)


The following is a quote from my brochure for my support group:

“A relative raising their kin’s children is not a new idea. What is new is the support and information that is available to us. The commitment that we have made is not an easy one. We run into obstacles that the biological parents/foster parents do not face. We have huge emotional ups and downs that few understand. But the good news is we are not alone as we pursue our goals of offering love and guidance to these great kids.”


(c) 2012 by Kristie Lund

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

1/18/2012

Practice the Art of Listening

by guest blogger Julietta Skoog

school psychologist at Seattle Public Schools


Listen

I am a talker by nature. I always have been. In high school I was on the debate team, in college I was the one hogging the hallway phone, and later in life I married a quiet, patient man whom I do not have to compete with to continue my babbling. You can imagine the shock when my daughter did not say a single word (not even mama!) until over 21 months old. My mother said it was because she couldn't get a word in edgewise. Fortunately this does not carry over into my day job. As a school psychologist, I spend my day listening to children tell me their good news, bad news, and hopes. I know how therapeutic it is to let them be heard, and encourage them to "tell me more." Then I go home and try to practice the art of listening with my own now chatty daughter. After all, if I am not listening to her, then how can I expect her to learn through my example? This simple Positive Discipline parenting tool can have profound effects, and is simply titled LISTEN:

Listen:
Children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to.

1)Notice how often you interrupt, explain, defend your position, lecture or give a command when your child starts to talk to you.
2) Stop and just listen, it is okay to ask questions such as "Can you give me an example?? Is there anything else?"
3) When your child is finished, ask if he or she is willing to hear you.
4) After sharing, focus on a solution that works for both.


(c) 2012 by Julietta Skoog

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

1/10/2012

Sign of the Times: Cracking the Code of Parenting 101

by guest blogger Nancy Hanauer
parent educator and founder of Hop to Signaroo

On a good day, you look into your baby's big, beautiful eyes and blissfully wonder, "What is going on in there?" On a not so good day, your little one is crying inconsolably and you helplessly wonder "What is going on in there?! What do you want?!"

Sound familiar? Perhaps it's time to join the legion of relieved parents who feel as if they've cracked the code of Parenting 101 by signing with their babies to greatly reduce frustration many months before speech is possible. What may seem like a recent trend has actually been a tool parents have been using for several decades, since the first books about baby sign language were written in the 1980's. Judging by the families embracing the movement with each new addition to the family, signing is here to stay!

Hearing families are enthusiastically and successfully using American Sign Language (ASL) with their hearing babies as a temporary bridge to communication many months before their babies are able to speak. First spoken words generally come at about 12 to 14 months of age. Based on vocal chord development and how happy the sounds of "Momma" and Dadda" make the big people, babies routinely repeat these first words and just a few others for several months before they can truly express their needs and wants with spoken language. While vocal chords are not fully formed until at least 16 months of age and babies aren't typically expressing very specific needs until closer to two years of age, babies
do
have the manual dexterity, memory, cognitive ability and linguistic understanding to express their needs and wants through sign language as early as five months of age! Little ones understand and want to express much more than they're able to verbalize.

Wondering how to start? Start with your baby's basic necessities such as "milk", "eat", "more", "diaper change" and move on from there, adding favorites such as "music", "pacifier" or "teddy bear". Model signs throughout the course of your normal routine as you feed your little one, change a diaper or go for a walk. Be sure to speak as you normally would, in complete sentences, and sign just the key words you want the baby to ultimately sign back to you, such as "milk", "change", "eat", etc.

Consistency is key. In the first month, model at least a dozen signs regularly so your little one won't simply use one sign for everything, which is typically what happens when only three or four signs are introduced at the start. The more signs you use consistently, the quicker your little genius will recognition the signs and then sign back, appropriately using the signs to tell you what he wants! With regular use of at least a dozen signs, most babies recognize the signs within the first few weeks and sign back within a few months. Families who enthusiastically embrace signing and take a baby sign language class often see results even faster.

Make signing fun! Add the signs to your daily routine but also sign when you read or sing to your baby and get all family members involved, so your little one is able to communicate with all primary caregivers and sees the signs modeled by everyone on a regular basis.

Will signing slow down my baby's speech? This is the most common concern and the answer is a resounding "No". When you sign with your hearing baby, you're addressing language before speech is possible. Speech is a natural reflex and all babies are born with the ability and desire to speak. Your baby hears an average of 4,500 words throughout the course of a day, so a normally developing hearing baby will never choose sign language over their natural inclination to speak. This would be like saying, "I won't let my baby crawl because he'll become too dependent on crawling and will never walk". Babies move through developmental stages using the skills they have at the time until they're developmentally able to move on, and sign language is just another one of those stepping stones - a highly effective stepping stone that helps take the guesswork out of parenting!

Choosing a program with American Sign Language vocabulary will ensure that the practice does not interfere with speech, as a few baby signing programs use created gestures, not true ASL signs. Some of these created gestures involve sniffing, panting and blowing and, yes, that will slow down speech. However, when you use ASL signs and model speech as you normally would, your little genius will sign, then sign and speak, and once she realizes her speech is completely intelligible, the signs will fall by the wayside. Remember, speech is a natural reflex in all babies and your baby's speech will likely benefit from the use of sign language. Many families report that their little ones were stringing two to three signs together by the time they were a year old and began speaking in two to three word sentences much earlier than their non-signing peers, once their vocal chords were fully formed. As an added bonus, many parents say the "Terrible Twos" weren't so terrible, because their little one didn't have two years of built up frustration from not being understood.

Wouldn't you like a household that's calmer for you and your baby? Don't you want to bond with your baby in a unique way that lays the foundation for positive communication that will last long beyond the toddler years? Then signing may be the answer, as early communication and reduced frustration are literally at your fingertips!

(c) 2012 by Nancy Hanauer

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

1/03/2012

Resolve to Connect with Your Children

by guest blogger Debi Bailey
parenting educator at Conscious Parenting



As the new year rolls around it is customary to take stock of our lives and resolve to make changes to improve our lives.


One of the most important changes I have observed in families, is when parents resolve to spend more time with their children. When we are in the middle of parenting our children, it feels consuming and it feels like forever and seems like we have all the time in the world to be with our children. Often, getting a break from our children seems like it would be of more benefit than spending more time with them.


However, in all my years, I have never heard a parent say, retrospectively, “Gosh. I really regret how much time I spent with my kids when they were growing up.”


People are so busy these days many parents feel it is impossible to spend more time with their children. But it is the way we spend time with them that makes a difference. If you have a regular time that your child can count on to have you to themselves, their need for attention and connection gets met. As they learn that you are available to them and as you take time to be with them, it ultimately pays off. Your children get what they need and they tend to be less demanding.


Here are some ways to spend time with your kids:

  • Take some time each day (even just 15 min.) to actually get down on the floor and play with your child. Let them be in charge of the way you play. Follow their lead. “Meet them where they are at.” Interact and be present.
  • Turn off the TV one (or two) nights each week and play games or read books.
  • Bedtime is often a really good opportunity to spend with your child. After bath, jammies, brushing teeth, spend some time with each of them one-on-one. Talk about their day, read a book and snuggle with them, sing a song. Again, 10 – 15 min. of your time and attention can make all the difference.
  • If possible take just one child with you when you run errands or go to the store. Let them help you make decisions and pick out what you need.
  • Have your children cook with you. Have a regular night that they get to chose what to cook. Have them help with the planning, figuring out ingredients and shopping. Then be in the kitchen with you. You get one-on-one time and they learn to cook.

Teens:


Parents often feel like their teenagers don’t want to have anything to do with them. Actually, what they really want, is to know that we want to be around them.

  • Create a routine of spending time one-on-one with each of your teens. Make a regular date (Once a week, once every other week…) with them and keep it so that your teen knows they can depend on you. If possible, have this be time just for the two of you. This can be going out for pizza, or for “coffee”, or a walk in the park. Try to set aside several hours for the two of you to be alone together on a regular basis. This is just a time to be together and enjoy each other. It is not a time to have “the talk” you’ve been waiting to have or to solve problems etc.
  • Remember that quality time at this age sets the stage for regular communication. All you have to do is be there...and engage. Leave cell phones and i-pods at home.
  • After school is another great time to connect. I had a friend who shared with me that she would casually position herself at the table near the door, with a plate of cookies, when she was expecting the kids home from school. When her children came in, mom and cookies were the first thing they saw and would often sit down for cookies and chat with her about their day.

As a family consider a regular routine of things such as:

  • Family game night
  • Family popcorn and movie night
  • Family fun day

Make this the best New Year ever by resolving to add some time each day to connect with your kids in a way that will make a big difference in their lives and in your relationship with them.


(c) 2012 by Debi Bailey

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.