As the new year rolls around it is customary to take stock of our lives and resolve to make changes to improve our lives.
One of the most important changes I have observed in families, is when parents resolve to spend more time with their children. When we are in the middle of parenting our children, it feels consuming and it feels like forever and seems like we have all the time in the world to be with our children. Often, getting a break from our children seems like it would be of more benefit than spending more time with them.
However, in all my years, I have never heard a parent say, retrospectively, “Gosh. I really regret how much time I spent with my kids when they were growing up.”
People are so busy these days many parents feel it is impossible to spend more time with their children. But it is the way we spend time with them that makes a difference. If you have a regular time that your child can count on to have you to themselves, their need for attention and connection gets met. As they learn that you are available to them and as you take time to be with them, it ultimately pays off. Your children get what they need and they tend to be less demanding.
Here are some ways to spend time with your kids:
- Take some time each day (even just 15 min.) to actually get down on the floor and play with your child. Let them be in charge of the way you play. Follow their lead. “Meet them where they are at.” Interact and be present.
- Turn off the TV one (or two) nights each week and play games or read books.
- Bedtime is often a really good opportunity to spend with your child. After bath, jammies, brushing teeth, spend some time with each of them one-on-one. Talk about their day, read a book and snuggle with them, sing a song. Again, 10 – 15 min. of your time and attention can make all the difference.
- If possible take just one child with you when you run errands or go to the store. Let them help you make decisions and pick out what you need.
- Have your children cook with you. Have a regular night that they get to chose what to cook. Have them help with the planning, figuring out ingredients and shopping. Then be in the kitchen with you. You get one-on-one time and they learn to cook.
Teens:
Parents often feel like their teenagers don’t want to have anything to do with them. Actually, what they really want, is to know that we want to be around them.
- Create a routine of spending time one-on-one with each of your teens. Make a regular date (Once a week, once every other week…) with them and keep it so that your teen knows they can depend on you. If possible, have this be time just for the two of you. This can be going out for pizza, or for “coffee”, or a walk in the park. Try to set aside several hours for the two of you to be alone together on a regular basis. This is just a time to be together and enjoy each other. It is not a time to have “the talk” you’ve been waiting to have or to solve problems etc.
- Remember that quality time at this age sets the stage for regular communication. All you have to do is be there...and engage. Leave cell phones and i-pods at home.
- After school is another great time to connect. I had a friend who shared with me that she would casually position herself at the table near the door, with a plate of cookies, when she was expecting the kids home from school. When her children came in, mom and cookies were the first thing they saw and would often sit down for cookies and chat with her about their day.
As a family consider a regular routine of things such as:
- Family game night
- Family popcorn and movie night
- Family fun day
Make this the best New Year ever by resolving to add some time each day to connect with your kids in a way that will make a big difference in their lives and in your relationship with them.
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