The parent-child connection supports cognitive development through mutual engagement in the sensory world. As parent and child play together, the sensory world pours into the child's nervous system. Movement and tactile experiences actually trigger neural networking. That is, actual brain structures, particularly the synapses that allow for communication among brain cells, are determined by a child's physical exploration of the world. These structures cannot grow any other way. There's a big difference between drawing with a mechanical device to "form" lines on a computer screen and drawing by immersing little hands in watercolor paint, forming lines on textured paper. The smell and feel of the paint, the experience of making the lines by allocating the paint, the touch of the paper—all combine to activate brain circuitry in ways that cannot be done in front of flat sterile, screen surfaces. Direct experience with the concrete world is imperative to grow the young human brain. The more parents lovingly interact with young children and model active participation in the natural world, the greater the chances that the youngster will develop more of his or her capacity. Just doing simple activities like taking a walk together sets up limbic resonance, shared communication, direct experiences, and important bodily movement. We shouldn't underestimate what a "little thing" like taking a walk with a child can do for his or her "brain gain." A summary of over eighty studies link movement with memory, spatial perception, language, attention, emotion, nonverbal awareness, and decision-making.
Ideas for Making Your Parental Presence Felt with Babies
• As you walk around doing light chores, use a snuggly so your baby can be close to your body and feel your heartbeat.
• Sing quiet songs or hum restful melodies as you rock your baby slowly in rhythm.
• Make as much eye contact as you can with your baby throughout the day by playing facial games of imitating various expressions, talking to your baby, singing, cooing and basically having as much fun interacting with your baby as you can. Delight in her every new achievement; affirm every time he tries something new.
• Take care of yourself. You can only interact with and enjoy your baby to the degree that you have the energy to do so. Asking for help and accepting support for household tasks and other duties that require your attention means that you have more attention for your child. You will not regret the time and love you lavish on your baby. A secure infant is on a trajectory for a fulfilling life.
• Resist the urge to put baby in front of a screen machine. Your resources are well spent for loving caretaker who will interact with your baby in the types of activities mentioned above. Remember, "Love alters the structures of our brains." Enlisting friends and relatives to lovingly interact with your baby means your baby takes the best path possible for optimal brain development.
Ideas for Making Your Parental Presence Felt with Young Children
• Take twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the evening to play with your child. Make a room out of a blanket over the kitchen table or build a tower with blocks with your child, you will learn much about how your child perceives his/her world. You also strengthen your child's feelings of security, trust, and belonging.
• When in the car running errands, point out what you see and discuss various colors and shapes. Talk about what you will be doing, such as: "First we're going to the Post Office. Then we'll go grocery shopping." Give your child something age-appropriate to do, such as dropping a letter into a slot at the Post Office or choosing apples to put in the cart at the grocery store. Affirm all efforts. Keep your child involved in the process of living with you.
• Slow down the pace of your day by talking with your child. A conversation interlude with a little one can be very poetic and awe-inspiring. Often youngsters say and see things from an interesting and unique perspective. Their self-expression blossoms with parental attention and authentic curiosity. Some questions you may want to ask: How would you describe_________? What else could __________ be? If you could change ______________ what would you do?
• Make sure you have enough adult conversations to stay sane, Especially if you are a stay-at-home-parent or a single parent, make it a priority to have a weekly conversation or get-together with a trusted friend. You will be much more present and available to your child when you have predictable breaks for adult conversations away from your child.
Create Space for Parental Presence
A part of our job as a parent in a media/digital age is to be a "space creator." We can limit distractions so that there is space for parent-child connecting and sharing. Some easy ways to add space for your parental presence to bloom:
• Keep the TV off when no one is watching.
• Sit down and take ten minutes to be there when you know your child will be in the room. Don't read or do anything. Say you are having some down time, but you can be interrupted.
• Invite your son or daughter to a book talk or lecture at the local library or museum on a topic of mutual interest. Afterwards share your thoughts together over a meal or snack.
• Make it a family ritual that you and your spouse spend one-on-one time with each of the children on a regular basis. Some families find that taking each child out to dinner offers opportunities to ignite conversations that might not take place around the family dinner table.
• Carve a slice out of the weekend, such as a Friday evening, a Saturday afternoon, or a Sunday morning that would specifically be set aside for a special activity with your son or daughter—such as a long walk together (without any devices!), working together on a house project like cleaning out the garage, or discussing and helping with homework. Keep this time sacred and don't allow your child to do anything else during it.
When we pattern our lives to weave into the daily grind moments of delightful sharing with our youngsters, we positively shape our youngsters' self-identity. Also, we imprint positive messages inside our kids' heads. The parental voice is by its nature, very powerful. As adults, children who have had the advantage of the presence and availability of a loving parent are much more likely to be gentler with themselves and talk to themselves in kind ways when presented with life's many challenges. And, they are more likely to be present and available to their children—a powerful way to grow a loving society for us all.
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