Do you want to create a leader in your kid, not a bully?
It is essential for a child to learn to assert themselves so they can communicate well enough to get their needs met & learn to stand up for their rights.
Blog posts written by our friends and members on issues of interest to parents everywhere. Find out more about us at http://www.washingtonparenting.org/
Do you want to create a leader in your kid, not a bully?
by guest blogger Kristie Lund
Coordinator/Group Facilitator at Relatives As Parents Project
Kinship care is the full time care, nurturing and protection of children by relatives, members of their tribes or clans, godparents, stepparents, or any adult who has a kinship bond with a child. This definition is designed to be inclusive and respectful of cultural values and ties of affection. It allows a child to grow to adulthood in a family environment. (Child Welfare League of America)
Who We Are:
Children
Grandparents
Kinship families are formed for different reasons – parental death, substance abuse, military deployment, incarceration, mental illness. As a result, families are in every area in the country, all income levels, all races, and all ethnicities.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2009 American Community Survey, an average of 1 in 10 school age children is being raised by a relative. (Generations United)
The following is a quote from my brochure for my support group:
“A relative raising their kin’s children is not a new idea. What is new is the support and information that is available to us. The commitment that we have made is not an easy one. We run into obstacles that the biological parents/foster parents do not face. We have huge emotional ups and downs that few understand. But the good news is we are not alone as we pursue our goals of offering love and guidance to these great kids.”
by guest blogger Julietta Skoog
school psychologist at Seattle Public Schools
Listen
I am a talker by nature. I always have been. In high school I was on the debate team, in college I was the one hogging the hallway phone, and later in life I married a quiet, patient man whom I do not have to compete with to continue my babbling. You can imagine the shock when my daughter did not say a single word (not even mama!) until over 21 months old. My mother said it was because she couldn't get a word in edgewise. Fortunately this does not carry over into my day job. As a school psychologist, I spend my day listening to children tell me their good news, bad news, and hopes. I know how therapeutic it is to let them be heard, and encourage them to "tell me more." Then I go home and try to practice the art of listening with my own now chatty daughter. After all, if I am not listening to her, then how can I expect her to learn through my example? This simple Positive Discipline parenting tool can have profound effects, and is simply titled LISTEN:
Listen:
Children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to.
1)Notice how often you interrupt, explain, defend your position, lecture or give a command when your child starts to talk to you.
2) Stop and just listen, it is okay to ask questions such as "Can you give me an example?? Is there anything else?"
3) When your child is finished, ask if he or she is willing to hear you.
4) After sharing, focus on a solution that works for both.
On a good day, you look into your baby's big, beautiful eyes and blissfully wonder, "What is going on in there?" On a not so good day, your little one is crying inconsolably and you helplessly wonder "What is going on in there?! What do you want?!"
Sound familiar? Perhaps it's time to join the legion of relieved parents who feel as if they've cracked the code of Parenting 101 by signing with their babies to greatly reduce frustration many months before speech is possible. What may seem like a recent trend has actually been a tool parents have been using for several decades, since the first books about baby sign language were written in the 1980's. Judging by the families embracing the movement with each new addition to the family, signing is here to stay!
Hearing families are enthusiastically and successfully using American Sign Language (ASL) with their hearing babies as a temporary bridge to communication many months before their babies are able to speak. First spoken words generally come at about 12 to 14 months of age. Based on vocal chord development and how happy the sounds of "Momma" and Dadda" make the big people, babies routinely repeat these first words and just a few others for several months before they can truly express their needs and wants with spoken language. While vocal chords are not fully formed until at least 16 months of age and babies aren't typically expressing very specific needs until closer to two years of age, babies do have the manual dexterity, memory, cognitive ability and linguistic understanding to express their needs and wants through sign language as early as five months of age! Little ones understand and want to express much more than they're able to verbalize.
Wondering how to start? Start with your baby's basic necessities such as "milk", "eat", "more", "diaper change" and move on from there, adding favorites such as "music", "pacifier" or "teddy bear". Model signs throughout the course of your normal routine as you feed your little one, change a diaper or go for a walk. Be sure to speak as you normally would, in complete sentences, and sign just the key words you want the baby to ultimately sign back to you, such as "milk", "change", "eat", etc.
Consistency is key. In the first month, model at least a dozen signs regularly so your little one won't simply use one sign for everything, which is typically what happens when only three or four signs are introduced at the start. The more signs you use consistently, the quicker your little genius will recognition the signs and then sign back, appropriately using the signs to tell you what he wants! With regular use of at least a dozen signs, most babies recognize the signs within the first few weeks and sign back within a few months. Families who enthusiastically embrace signing and take a baby sign language class often see results even faster.
Make signing fun! Add the signs to your daily routine but also sign when you read or sing to your baby and get all family members involved, so your little one is able to communicate with all primary caregivers and sees the signs modeled by everyone on a regular basis.
Will signing slow down my baby's speech? This is the most common concern and the answer is a resounding "No". When you sign with your hearing baby, you're addressing language before speech is possible. Speech is a natural reflex and all babies are born with the ability and desire to speak. Your baby hears an average of 4,500 words throughout the course of a day, so a normally developing hearing baby will never choose sign language over their natural inclination to speak. This would be like saying, "I won't let my baby crawl because he'll become too dependent on crawling and will never walk". Babies move through developmental stages using the skills they have at the time until they're developmentally able to move on, and sign language is just another one of those stepping stones - a highly effective stepping stone that helps take the guesswork out of parenting!
Choosing a program with American Sign Language vocabulary will ensure that the practice does not interfere with speech, as a few baby signing programs use created gestures, not true ASL signs. Some of these created gestures involve sniffing, panting and blowing and, yes, that will slow down speech. However, when you use ASL signs and model speech as you normally would, your little genius will sign, then sign and speak, and once she realizes her speech is completely intelligible, the signs will fall by the wayside. Remember, speech is a natural reflex in all babies and your baby's speech will likely benefit from the use of sign language. Many families report that their little ones were stringing two to three signs together by the time they were a year old and began speaking in two to three word sentences much earlier than their non-signing peers, once their vocal chords were fully formed. As an added bonus, many parents say the "Terrible Twos" weren't so terrible, because their little one didn't have two years of built up frustration from not being understood.
Wouldn't you like a household that's calmer for you and your baby? Don't you want to bond with your baby in a unique way that lays the foundation for positive communication that will last long beyond the toddler years? Then signing may be the answer, as early communication and reduced frustration are literally at your fingertips!
As the new year rolls around it is customary to take stock of our lives and resolve to make changes to improve our lives.
One of the most important changes I have observed in families, is when parents resolve to spend more time with their children. When we are in the middle of parenting our children, it feels consuming and it feels like forever and seems like we have all the time in the world to be with our children. Often, getting a break from our children seems like it would be of more benefit than spending more time with them.
However, in all my years, I have never heard a parent say, retrospectively, “Gosh. I really regret how much time I spent with my kids when they were growing up.”
People are so busy these days many parents feel it is impossible to spend more time with their children. But it is the way we spend time with them that makes a difference. If you have a regular time that your child can count on to have you to themselves, their need for attention and connection gets met. As they learn that you are available to them and as you take time to be with them, it ultimately pays off. Your children get what they need and they tend to be less demanding.
Here are some ways to spend time with your kids:
Teens:
Parents often feel like their teenagers don’t want to have anything to do with them. Actually, what they really want, is to know that we want to be around them.
As a family consider a regular routine of things such as:
Make this the best New Year ever by resolving to add some time each day to connect with your kids in a way that will make a big difference in their lives and in your relationship with them.