Teaching Children to Express Gratitude

by guest blogger Kathy Slattengren

parenting educator at Priceless Parenting

We are responsible for teaching our children to say "please" and "thank you". This basic social skill is critical in showing respect for others. However, many older children have not fully developed this skill and it causes problems.

For example, one aunt explained how hard she worked to find neat gifts for her three nephews. When opening the gifts they would often say things like "I don't really like this." or "This isn't what I wanted." The aunt's feelings were definitely hurt by these remarks. The parents did not step in to help their sons learn that these types of responses were completely inappropriate.

At another holiday gathering children were wildly opening gifts without paying much attention to who the gift was from never mind actually thanking the person for the gift. The children threw aside each gift and anxiously started tearing the wrapping from the next gift. Again the parents failed to set up appropriate rules or expectations for the gift opening.

It's critical to teach our children how to politely handle situations involving gifts. It can be helpful for parents to sit down with their kids ahead of time and discuss the importance of showing their thankfulness. Discussing and practicing what to say under various situations can help prepare children to act graciously even when receiving a gift they really aren't excited about. It can also be helpful to agree on a gentle reminder signal, like a light touch on the ear, if children forget to say thanks.

Sometimes parents express appreciation for something their children have received instead of guiding their children to saying thank you. When parents do this, children do not learn that it is their responsibility to say thank you for things they've received. Children who do not learn to show these basic courtesies are often disrespectful in a number of other ways.

The holidays provide many opportunities for children to practice expressing their appreciation. This holiday season give your children the gift of learning to express their gratitude!

(c) 2011, Kathy Slattengren. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

Do Your Kids Understand the Holiday Spirit?

by guest blogger Dr. Shirin Sherkat

parent educator at Create Happy Kids

You can share the spirit of the holidays with your kids!

This is a magical time of year. It doesn’t have to be all about spending money you don’t have, getting stressed and over-scheduling your family.

Your family traditions can embrace the spirit of the season and focus on:

• Giving to others who are less fortunate

• Spending quality (fun) time with family and friends

• Being grateful for what we have and not just focus on “wants”

5 easy ways to share the spirit and involve your kids:

1. Volunteer at your local food bank, soup kitchen, church, or community center with your kids.

2. Organize a family donation box and together, fill it with blankets, toys, jackets and other items that your family doesn’t need, then donate it together (as a family) to a center near you.

3. In addition to asking your kids to make a list of things they want from Santa, make this a family project one night. Make a list of all the things your family is grateful for this holiday! Have younger kids list all the things they have (that they should appreciate) and you write the list for them.

4. Encourage your family (and friends) to consider homemade gifts too, not just store-bought toys, for your kids.

5. For the “12 Nights of Christmas,” instead of focusing on getting something, teach kids to give, create or share something. For example, a family craft night, or a game night, or an evening volunteering at the local soup kitchen, or a movie night with family at home.

A Great Goal!

The goal is to create grateful and caring kids who grow up to be happy, and have a sense of responsibility and true appreciation for the spirit of this beautiful holiday season!

(c) 2011 by Dr. Shirin Sherkat

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

Holiday Rituals-Old Ones? New Ones?

by guest blogger Jody McVittie

Executive Director at Sound Discipline

Our community is made up of all sorts of different kinds of families from many different cultures and traditi

ons. There are lots of holidays and special events in this season when the nights are longer and the days are shorter. Your family may have special traditions or rituals that you and your children enjoy – or not!


Rituals are like seasonal routines. They can offer structure and security in times of increased chaos. Being part of a family with healthy rituals can give children a sense of belo

nging, comfort and predictability. Rituals also connect us to our culture and traditions – we become part of something bigger. However, when rituals become too rigid they become a source of stress. Now is the time to ask, “Are our family’s rituals a good fit for us?”


Fine tuning your family rituals:


Involve your family. Ask your family what makes your holiday special to them? What are the things that your family does together that help them know that this is a special time of year. Maybe it is a visit with special people, or lighting candles or traditional meals or religious practices, or a regular event that the family attends together.


Think long term. What mood do you want to create for your family for this season? Do you want a sense of connection? Reverence? Playfulness? Gratitude? Generosity? What kinds of things can you do together that might invite the mood that you would like bring to your holiday?


Some flexibility. If you already have rituals that you have “inherited” but find that they are creating stress instead of the mood you want, work with the others involved to see if you shift things a little bit to maintain the parts of the ritual that invite connection and the mood you want – but also create less stress. Sometimes families “endure” rituals because no one has the courage to ask the group to think about what they really want. 


Repetition. A ritual only becomes a ritual with repetition – but they don’t start out that way. If your family decides to try something new, spend a little time later reflecting on whether it worked. Do you want to try it again next year? Do you want to change a little bit of it to make it work better for everyone?


Creativity and simplicity. When you are thinking of new rituals for your family be creative and be willing to go exploring – but keep the mood in mind. Rituals do not need to be big productions. Sometimes simple is better. Do you want to bake cookies and deliver them to neighbors? Have a family read-aloud night? A neighborhood sing-a-long? Work at or give to a food bank? What kind of things can your family think of that would be fun, honor the holiday, and invite you all to feel connected to each other and/or the bigger world?


Share. Feel free to share your favorite family holiday ritual or activity on our blog. Others can learn from you.

(c) 2011, Jody McVittie. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.

Family Gatherings: Fun for Everyone?

by guest blogger Kathy Slattengren

parenting educator at Priceless Parenting

When families gather together for a celebration, each participant brings their own history, behavior and expectations. When these different expectations and behaviors clash, the celebrations are often far from the peaceful, loving gatherings depicted in TV holiday commercials! However, when common problems can be anticipated and planned for ahead of time, there is a greater likelihood of a joyful celebration rather than a stressful experience.

To make these events positive and fun for everyone, it's helpful to consider the areas that cause stress for many families: preparing and hosting the gathering and monitoring the interactions between children from different families.

Planning, Preparing and Hosting the Family Gathering

One mom wrote seeking ideas for changing her family gatherings. "I come from a largish family (5 children) who still live in the general area. We're all in our fifties now, married with our own children aged 13 to 25. We still get together at one of our houses for every holiday, four times a year (usually numbering 18-23 people). I have to admit, I absolutely dread these get-togethers. For one thing, my sister, aged mother and I do most of the work. The three brothers do less, and the sisters-in-law and nieces and nephews do nothing. As we get older, it gets more and more exhausting, and it seems like I hardly see my siblings other than these get-togethers, where I'm usually irritated and too busy to really talk much to anyone. Is it unusual to get together this often at our ages? Shouldn't the nieces and nephews be contributing by the time they're out of college?"

Sharing the workload is a key ingredient to making family gatherings fun for everyone. If you're encountering this type of problem, think about some new ideas you'd like to try out and discuss them with your spouse or partner. These new ideas which might include:

• Delegating duties
• Assign tasks like cleaning, decorating, watching toddlers, setting the table, serving drinks, clearing the table and washing the dishes. The idea that everyone has to help out may be revolutionary for some so expect a little grumbling the first couple years!
• Even young children can help by coloring decorations or place cards for the table. By getting kids started early on helping out, you will be preparing them to take on more challenging tasks when they're older.

Bringing something to share

Ask people to bring something to share. Depending on their age and cooking skills, they may want to contribute a homemade pie or pick up bread and cheese at the grocery store.

Teens are capable of helping to prepare the food. By encouraging their participation, you will be passing on some important cooking skills while also helping them feel like significant contributors.

Planning activities 

What options do the children for their free time? An outdoor activity can be a welcome break - a walk to the park, building a snowman or playing basketball. Bringing a new group game like Cranium to the gathering can also provide a fun activity.

Where can children get some downtime? If your children are likely to benefit from some quiet time away from the crowd, plan a way to make that happen.

Considering alternative locations 

Some families rotate where the gathering is held to distribute the work load. Others choose to meet at a neutral place like a park, hotel, restaurant or community room.

If you decide to make suggestions for changing your family gathering, it is best to have the person whose family is getting together talk to everyone about the new plan. Typically new plans go over better this way than when introduced by an in-law. You may need to negotiate some of the proposed changes but at least you'll be taking a step in the right direction!

Keeping the Peace between the Cousins 

Another area that can be rich with parenting challenges is the interaction between the children. For example, younger children may want to play with their older cousins, while the older cousins want to be left alone. Successfully handling these types of disagreements while not offending any of the other parents is no small feat!

Being able to enjoy a glass of wine while your children play nicely together and work out their differences by themselves is ideal. However, if unsupervised play doesn't work well, parents need to take a more active role. You can try suggesting an activity everyone can participate in playing like charades or creating a play that can be performed for the rest of the family. We've had some very entertaining family theater this way!

Planning ahead is essential. If your children are younger than the rest, take along toys, books or other things that they enjoy. When they're not having fun playing with their cousins, they can play with these toys. Be prepared to leave early if your children are "maxed out" and need to get to their own beds for everyone's sanity!

Enjoying the Payoff 

When preparing for your next family gathering, work on making changes that will make the event more pleasurable. Establishing family gatherings that are enjoyable for everyone will pay off over many years! 

(c) 2011, Kathy Slattengren. All Rights Reserved.

Views expressed by guest bloggers may not be the views of Washington Parenting Education Network or all of its members. Guest bloggers are wholly responsible for the content of their posts.