Handling Anger Appropriately

by guest blogger Madelyn Jansma, M.Ed.

parent coach at Healthy Happy Families

Today we're looking at when YOU are angry with your [momentarily not-so-darling] children. Kids make us livid, sometimes! The hard truth is that if kids are going to learn self-control, the example is going to have to come from their parents. Society has changed: the more out-of-control you are, the more likely you will secure a spot on a reality television show.

-For those big offenses, before you do something you regret,

-Take a deep breath, and slowly exhale.

-It’s OK to say, “I am SO angry right now! I want to cool down before I say something I regret. Let’s walk away from each other before this gets worse for you. We can talk about it when we’re both calm and thinking more clearly.”

-Add the Love and Logic® delayed consequence statement: “Try not to worry about it, sweetie.”

-Depending on the age of the child and circumstance, you can get together to talk about the consequences anywhere from a few hours to a week later. This is a perfect time to use the “energy drain” technique.

If you’re just having a bad day (as we all do) and the kids are getting on your last nerve, model healthy self care:

-Say, “I’m feeling grouchy right now, and I’m not very fun to be with. I need some time alone to regroup.”

-Then scoot off somewhere alone, and model some behaviors the kids might turn to when they’re feeling snarky. Read a silly comic book, go for a walk around the block, take a catnap on the couch, bounce a ball against the garage door.

-When you rejoin the family, emphasize that, “I feel much better now that I took some time to myself. I’m fun to be around now! What shall we do together?”

For any offense, you can say with loving sincerity, “Wow, I’m going to have to do something about this. Just not right now since I’m angry. I’ll get back to you later.”

(c) 2012 by Madelyn Jansma, M.Ed.

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